I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
