I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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