she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
