oh god the rape fog is back!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
