Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
