where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
