I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
