Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
