if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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