I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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