im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
