i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
