She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
