Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
