Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
