I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
