dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
