How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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