i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Damn victory sex feels great
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
