Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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