U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
