fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As shirtless as possible
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
