i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
