The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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