Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
