There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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