I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
