I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My penis needs a shock collar
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
