Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
