She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
