His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
