I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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