Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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