When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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