No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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