I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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