We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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