I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I love you. Go after that dick
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
