I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
