there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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