Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
