Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
