she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
