I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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