Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i was born a porn star she said
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
