you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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