it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
