If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
