i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
