He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
