hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
