I wish i was in the wii world.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm just crazy horny about you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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