i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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