Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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