Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
