I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
