God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize