So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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