If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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