i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
