Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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